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I have one year from now to decide what I want do in my future life

After I graduated from senior high school. I take medical major in university.If you ask why I take that major? Is that your passion?. Maybe when that time, I will say "yes" but this time I really arguing myself about it..

I get medical bachelor in 3,5 years and than I take co-assisten for 1,8 years,take national exam& OSCE and finally last year..I finish all my step to become a doctor. From August 2009 until may 2015, So I have been spend 5 years 9 month. Actually this is not the last step.. In my country, a doctor need to do Internsip for one year to have legal permission.. So this year, my life will busy with Internsip things.
But what will I do after I done Internsip?.I really love psychiatry medicine major,so I want to become a doctor who can cure people who have psyco problem but many people say.."hei what are u doing? Do u really want become doctor psychiatric?.. You have been spend much time, your parent has been spend much money but u want take psychiatric for specialist major... Your mom is midwife, why you don't take obgyn for your specialist major??. Yes.. Obgyn have big prospects for the future and yeah I can manage my mom clinic too.. This isn't mean I don't like obgyn major, actually I like this major too but I reflect my self,I think my type personality is anxiety personality.. So I have big chance to get stress or anxiety personality disorder if I always stay under tense circumstances. Become an obgyn, we think about 2 life.. Mother and the baby.. We need to take decision quickly. All day will become tense circumstances, you need prepare if someone call you in middle night to do emergency operations..
Will I enjoy my job if I do that?
I will get envy if I see someone who can love their job..

But I still afraid to cross my parents permission.. And until now my parents don't agree If I become doctor psychiatric. I know parents always want the best for their children, that way I afraid if actually my way is wrong..
Still Take principal that if you hear what you parent say, You will be happy.. So if my parents disagree about my way, will I be happy????

random things

"loving something doesn't have to have it" .... this quote is lying sentence... how i can say that.. it cause if you know you will never get it, it's better you don't try to love it... cause love it just make your heart sick...
if you love something, you feel you need to have it, right? that's why it better if you stay away from something that you think you will love it but you never can have it....
NO spoiler... aku disini tidak akan membahas ceritanya xp... aku hanya memberi sedikit komen kritik saran dan berbagai pengalaman saat membaca novel ini hihihihihi benar- benar curhat

Disaat beberapa teman yang lain sudah sibuk membaca referat ternyata masih sempatnya aku membaca novel ini... her sunny side atau judul yang sebenarnya hidamari no kanojo. novel ini sampai ke rumahku kemarin setelah beberapa minggu sebelumnya aku preorder saking penasarannya dengan isi novel ini dan akhirnya novel ini aku habiskan dalam waktu 5 jam *ini akibat membaca sambil membayangkan matsujun*
saat buku datang yang pertama aku lihat adalah sampulnya... euhm yang aku pikirkan adalah mengapa kalau novel berlandaskan karakter korea mereka menampilkan huruf2 kanji padahal yang membuat adalah orang indonesia... mengapa sangat berkebalikan dengan novel ini... novel ini merupakan terjemahan langsung dari novel jepang... mengapa tidak terdapat sedikit bubuk huruf kana atau kanji pada covernya??!!

aku pun mulai membacanya  lembar demi lembar.... kata- kata spontan seperti "kyaaa" atau raut muka ku yang tiba- tiba tersenyum memerah itu terjadi apalagi karena aku tahu novel ini akan di mainkan oleh matsujun sehingga sulit bagiku untuk tidak membayangkan bahwa karakter ini adalah matsujun. Alur ceritanya sangat mudah untuk diikuti dan didalamnya terdapat flash back karakter saat masih SMP *tiba2 mulai mebayangkan movienya dan mengira2 siapa yang akan memainkan matsujun smp.. shiori sexy zone kah karena mereka sangat mirip?? *kyaaa kegirangan sendiri**. untu klimaks nya singat tapi megena kepada inti cerita. Post klimaks nya sangat diluar perkiraanku... unik... bahkan aku baru paham semua dibalik semua pada 2 halaman terakhir O.O

setelah membaca novel ini semakin penasaran dengan apa yang akan Matsujun tampilkan ke dalam movie nya... ada beberapa ucapan karakter ini yang memang sangat cocok dengan jun *semoga jun mengucapkannya dalam movie* . kurasa ueno juri juga cocok untuk karakter wanitanya mengingat dia saat bermain nodame kurasa dia bisa mendalami karekter wanita dalam novel ini.
firasatku movie ini akan sampai indonesia... saat membayangkan ini rasanya sedikit sedih karena kemungkinan aku untuk menonton sangat tipis mengingat aku sudah mulai KOASS akhir april ini -_-

PHP (those who give fake hoppe)

php is mean pemberi harapan palsu (those who give fake hope ).
who is php? PHP is all korean artist... euhm no... i mean SHINee... euhm no... i mean Kim Jonghyun....

today. i'm beeing stupid happy girls...why i tell i'm stupid girls cause i'm so happy when i know SHINee have line and what! why i tell they are PHP cause they will always online in 4 pm. how can i control myself to not online with them?
so... all my effort to try decrease my attention to them.. it has been useless now  =_=", although they don't have line and for long time i don't update about them... they still come to my dream.... specially kim jonghyun... arrghh that boy +_+
why they're so close but they just another people in different country who don't have connection with me =_="

euhm i just wondering... what if Arashi is php too.... i must grateful cause they not really close with their fans.... their fans service just give change to all their fans  to choose their old song and they sing again for all fans. it is health fans service i think... it won't hurt anyone... that's why my day more calm when i see them... Arashi is like stars... they have confine for their fans so all their fans know the border...

euhm... Valentine nan desuka?

February, 14th... valentine's day remember me when i was in senior high school although i'm not interest so much about it... i ever gave chocolate to the people i like *hazukashii*

*sorry if my grammar is so awful hehehehe*

the first time i met him when i was in junior high school, he is my english teacher in course. in that time i don't feel anything...he only teach me six month and i quiet this course cause i must focus with high school entrance examination.
i met him again when i was in 2nd senior high school, i was 16 yo that time, why i met him again? it cause i take course again and he's my teacher. how can i felt in love with him? when i wait for my class i can see him teach a children then subarashi.. he is gentle & cute in same time  xp *nb: hontou ni in that time i still don't like aiba... i know arashi but i like nino and matsujun lol* not only that.. when our eyes met each other i can see his eyes so calm and he wear glasses ^^.

because i am senior high school student in that time, i do a little crazy things xp.... i can get his phone number cause he telling me if i want absent i should message him so sometimes with different number i message him in japan language... i try to talk a lot with him, ask my homework etc then i usually make reason so i can spend more time in that course xp...
then when valentine, i gave him chocolate.... actually i gave all teacher but his chocolate bigger than another xp so he ask me why... i answer it cause you should add your muscle xp

and in white day, he gave me a chocolate too and he said he like me.. how happy i am in that time but i know it is just conversation like sister and brother.. and then i said to him to that i like him too *opss i forget to tell his ages... in that time, he was 23 yo.. so we are different 7 yo*  after white day, yuph like sister and brother, we go to book store together, message not important things, take photo together, then he ever stoke my hair when listening season * it is so shy but cause it is listening season all my friends don't notice it*

when i start busy with my final test and entrance test for university cause i want be a doctor , he ask me he want meet me then we met and start to talk seriously..  he ask me actually what he is for me, i silent and back to ask him what i am for him... then he answer gently that i'm his girl friend...  i can't talk anymore in that time... then he ask me one more time with same question what he is for me... and i say, "i'm in love with you and i think you have been known about it for long time but i never think you think i'm your girl friend" then he reply me ," i know that's why i want meet you. you should know what i think". than we silent together... i start shed a tear then i say lets break up... he get surprise and ask why must broke up and i answer,"i want be a doctor.. i need to study then how long you must wait for me? * i know his mother want him married early*". he see me try to resist a tear and said," then why are you crying?". then i anwser him cause i still love him. is it childish, right? in that time i think he will angry with me but Not... and he say," listen when your brother say oke...you must reach your dream and forget about me" then he hug me like big brother.... that is the last time i see him :) . after that sometimes we still message each other until our heart stable again and i enter medical school... we decide not to message each other again.

SO... this is scene 3,5 years ago.. actually old story, right? hahahaha  i'm not writing this cause i'm still galau lol but i just remember teenager day... how brave i am to like a sensei xp. time walk so fast, i will graduation in this years and start to be co- as in hospital *wish me luck*  xp

A graduation??

I think... Maybe "graduation" is the better ways for me.. I think i don't competend again to organise s*i. I don't have much time to always think and update about them again.. I think s*i has been have new generation who is better than me..

Although i will do a graduation... It isn't mean i don't like them again nor i don't want update again about them... I will always try to know new news from them but not always on time like usually i do in the past.

It really hard for me to choose this ways... When i saw the video, i always want cry... I'm the one of founder their fansite in indonesia... They still don't have many fans in here when the first time i'm being admins... But now... They have a large fans.. And it make me happy cause its that mean i success to introduction them to another people...

For me... Although i will do a graduation.. They will always in my heart... I never want to forget them.. They give me many lesson in my life...

The reason why i never leave them

When people said that they are just like a half men.... Why? I think because they are handsome so when they change into women's style,they become more pretty than you, Is it false? And do u think your bias is not a half men? It just cause they never brave to use woman's style...

when people said that they are less famous than their senpai ... Ok maybe it's true but it will never change my mind to love them. And it make me more love to them.. Make me want to more support them.. And make me never leave them

When people said that they don't have concept or their concept is really weird... I think, maybe because of that i think they're different from the other..

They ever hurt my heart so much... I ever bored with them.. I don't tell they are perfect... Sometimes i tell about their bad things... But i really HATE for someone who doesn't know about them at all but saying bad things about them... WHO ARE YOU?!!! Are You perfect person?..If you don't like them just shut up!!


Sho make it in the first.. suddenly he take that thing and do this pose LOL after that Jun follow him and the last Riida do it too ith Spoon and Fork =="

[PIC] MY GIRL's dorama *Cut scene pict*

This is the best scene although the last episode which make me cry a lot 
i really love this dorama, this dorama really touch my heart :)

My birthday

yesterday, it was my birthday. i'm so happy cause i get a surprise from all my friends.

when i watched Dectective Conan Dorama, my friends is coming to my room and  they mess my room definitely. then they gave me a cheese cake *i love cheese cake * that taste so delicious. After that they give me present  cute big doll ^^

i give a name for this doll, his name is haruma Satoshi ( mix from miura haruma & ohno satoshi). Why i give name like that cause when i sleep i always hug this dolls ( i really want hug miura kun)
when i see doll's color, i just remember ohno's skin ( he have brown skin cause his hobby is Fishing)

yesterday, it is really nice day, although i'm 20 yo now and i'm not teenager again :')
i hope i will be better than before and my dream will become true

that all for my first post in here ^^ 
~ bye ~



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